I want to spend some time today talking about the word tolerance. Over the years this word has changed meaning (to many people) in my opinion.
According to the dictionary the word means: (Merriam-Webster)
capacity to endure pain or hardship
2a: sympathy or indulgence for beliefs or practices differing from or conflicting with one’s own
b: the act of allowing something
3: the allowable deviation from a standard
especially : the range of variation permitted in maintaining a specified dimension in machining a piece
4a(1): the capacity of the body to endure or become less responsive to a substance (such as a drug) or a physiological insult especially with repeated use or exposure
also : the immunological state marked by unresponsiveness to a specific antigen
(2): relative capacity of an organism to grow or thrive when subjected to an unfavorable environmental factor
b: the maximum amount of a pesticide residue that may lawfully remain on or in food
I have no issues with any of these definitions. In fact I really like them. I want to focus on society and how we have corrupted some of these definitions. Specifically 2a and 2b.
I have heard, read and seen people tell other people that we need to tolerate others, when what they really mean is that one needs to accept what they are saying/believing/etc. And that if you don’t then you are intolerant and are “evil” (or something). Accepting is not tolerating.
There are going to be things in life that I don’t accept about someone else, but I can tolerate them. I can deal with it and allow it to happen even if I don’t accept it.
For example, speeding. I don’t tend to speed most of the time. I think the speed limit is there for a reason. But I tolerate people that speed around me (most of the time). I accept that they are making that choice.
Sin is that way in general for me. As a Christ follower I try my best not to sin. I am far from perfect. I try hard not to judge non-Christians when they sin. If they want to talk to me about their sin habits I will not accept that sin action, but I also will not condemn them. I tolerate them and their ways (as long as they aren’t harming others).
Why is it that tolerance has turned into a required acceptance? I don’t get that. When people call Christians intolerant I would like to know where they are coming from. Are they being tolerate to the ways that the Christians are acting? Or are they being judgmental and expecting acceptance? As a Christian I don’t have to accept everything. In fact I shouldn’t. And as a non-Christian others shouldn’t have to accept everything a Christian says either. But the Christian and the non-Christian should find ways to tolerate each other. They should be able to work in ways that can benefit themselves and others. They don’t have to agree about everything.
As a Christ follower, when I don’t agree with someone I still do my best to treat them with love and compassion, just as Christ has asked me to do, but it doesn’t mean I accept their choices either. It means I tolerate their choices. I may think differently than them and I may express my thoughts on it, but it doesn’t mean I will treat that person any differently. I will do my best to treat them the same as someone I fully agree with.
Now, I know that some of you are saying that it is impossible to treat someone you agree with the same as someone you only tolerate. But I would ask, “why?” I would say that is is harder to do that, but that is part of life. Treating others with respect is important. Just because I disagree with someone doesn’t mean they don’t deserve my respect on as a person and in theor ideas/feelings/beliefs. While it’s true that I my pray they would change their opinions/feelings/beliefs to other things it won’t change the way I treat them.
At least I hope so.
Just the other day I found myself getting annoyed at a driver while I was bicycling. I was at a stop light and someone turned left in front of another car that was going straight. The car going straight honked and the car turned then flipped the person off and yelled at them. I yelled, “You were the one at fault, mister.” And he then yelled something obscene at me. Smiled and waved and then rode off since the light had changed. Was I being accepting of his ways, no. Was I showing love and compassion, no. But I also didn’t say what I did in disrespect. I just informed him that he was in the wrong. When he didn’t like that I chose to smile and wave. I was tolerant of his hate-filled response. I didn’t accept it, but I tolerated his opinion.
There are people in the larger Christian community that harp on tolerance and don’t show it to others. There are people in the LGBTQ+ community that harp on it, and then don’t show it to others. There are politicians, teachers, and other leaders that talk about the value of tolerance, and then don’t show it when someone presents a view that is different then their values/beliefs. This is not something that is on just one side of any viewpoint. It is everywhere. And I can’t stand it. I wish that we as humans could figure out how to truly tolerate each other. We are never going to agree on everything. All the current wars show us that very clearly. But if we could figure out how to true tolerate each other, and then treat others with the respect they deserve as human beings then maybe we could get by so much of the animosity and hatred we have for each other.
Sorry for the ramble, and this truly was one. I was all over the place as I re-read this. What do you think about tolerance and how people use the word.